Tonight a GIANT tree roach appeared on the wall in my bedroom. I knew if I moved toward it it would either jump on me and suck the life out of my body, or stop, drop and roll off the wall to disappear under the bed where it would evade capture while I stayed awake all night feeling its presence.
So, I backed out of the bedroom, ran down the hall and found Renfield who was frolicking with a catnip toy in the shape of a space alien and really annoyed to be interrupted by me. She squirmed and wiggled and made her frustration clear until I placed her two feet in front of our six-legged visitor.
In an instant, Renfield's entire body froze. She took in the creature's massive head, thorax and abdomen. It waved its antennae, that devilish imp. And that's when Renfield struck.
Wham! She hit the wall head down and paws extended. She knocked the thing to the ground and drove it into a corner. She snapped it up and dragged it out of the room, down the hallway into her torture chamber where after a few minutes it met a gruesome death.
Once the roach's demise was confirmed I returned to the bedroom followed by my spouse who bravely brandished a glass of champagne. He stood in the doorway as I pulled the sheets off the bed -- in case our visitor had friends -- and he screamed as an earplug dropped onto the floor. In his haste to escape, he spilled bubbles from the goblet onto the carpet, which will probably lure an insect fraternity into the house for a drunken weekend of debauchery.
This is my life.
Comments